


Still Into You

by 3cheers12years



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: I'm Sorry, Multi, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3cheers12years/pseuds/3cheers12years
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Zacky swallows hard and closes his eyes, "It just hurts. It hurts to see you with someone else. I'm happy you're happy, 'cause s'all I want. But I just... I just want you to be happy with me.""</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Into You

Zacky's eyes flicker between the two fabric softeners he's holding in each of his tattooed hands. He sighs and decides on the cheaper, dropping it into his cart as he puts the other back into its rightful place. He whirls the carriage around and heads back into the centre isle, very nearly veering into a Cheetos display when he sees  _Brian._

  
It's not that Brian's a bad thing, not at all. He'd just rather not see him at this moment of time. Not after spending a majority of his night last night with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, drowning his sorrows over how he'd lost, what he thought to be, was the love of his life. He's still on speaking terms, some say close friends, as they all had once been, but right now is not the time. Especially since he's had this surge of emotion and a pang that makes him want to drop to the floor and cry, but that isn't what you do when you've nearly buried your cart in Cheetos in the middle of Walmart.

  
He doesn't even have time to back the cart up and turn around when Brian's eyes fall on him, and he raises his hand in greeting, smiling brightly. He raises his own hand and nods to him, slowly backing up the cart as he heads towards him. He notices that his aviators are perched on top of his head, and he wonders why they're not over his chocolate irises like usual. He's snapped from his thoughts when Brian's basket is practically dropped to the floor as he stops for a chat.

  
"Zack! How've you been?" Brian exclaims, patting Zacky on the shoulder. His voice hasn't changed, neither has his face, apart from small, dark circles rimming his eyes. Zacky nearly blurts out that he needs to sleep some more, or maybe get a massage, take a bubble bath and take a day out of everything, but he realises that isn't what you're supposed to do in a social situation. So he decides to respond how normal people do.

  
"Up and down, man. How about you?" Zacky replies, quietly, pulling his lips into a slightly forced smile and kicking the break on the right wheel of the trundler, before leaning on it.

  
Brian shoves his hands into his pockets, "Good. Tired, but good,"

  
Zacky's smile is genuine now. It's not as scary as he thought, even if his heart is beating so fast he feels like the palpitations are going to knock him clear any minute. He's paying more attention to Brian's eyes now. He'd spent years staring into them already, but now they're different. Very different. Not only are they tired, but they're happy and oddly awake, as well as having aged more than his skin. They seem to hold a lifetime in them since the two years or so they've been apart. He's become older and wiser, more mature and more comfortable. Although his eyes are tired, they're not restless, or red, or droopy and dull. They're bright and awake, as they would be after a morning shower with lemon zest and tea tree.

  
"You're looking good, either way," Zacky comments, "older, but good." Brian's eyebrow arches, and Zacky can  _feel_  the sarcastic comment brewing, hear the cogs turning.

  
"S'what time does, Zack. Age you," He winks, and Zacky rolls his eyes.

  
"I know, but it's not in your face. It's in your eyes."

  
Brian smiles, "My dad said the same the other day. I'd say it's due to the baby,"

  
Zacky's eyebrows shoot up and his mouth nearly drops open. He repeats the last word, and as it rolls off his tongue, he realises that Brian really has moved on. He's got his life set, everything for him is fine and dandy, perfect, and he is absolutely, one hundred and fifty percent over Zacky. And he's never looked back since.

  
"I-.. Yeah. Me and 'Chelle, we uh... We got engaged. And then decided it was, y'know,  _time._  She's gorgeous, Zack. Absolutely beautiful. About seven months now, just started talking and crawling," Brian says. Zacky loves how the emotion drips from his voice when he talks about his baby girl, how his expression softens and he looks like he's about to cry of happiness.

  
Zacky nods slowly, "What's her name?"

  
"Hunter,"

  
There's a small moment of silence before, "Uh... Isn't that a boys name?" 

  
Brian laughs, "It's actually unisex, but yeah, suppose it is a bit. She's-... Zack, man, you should come see her... Come see  _us._ "

  
"I, uh-... I can't," Zack stammers. He's quickly trying to think of an excuse other than  _'My heart will break if I see you happy with someone that isn't me'_ , but his mind draws a blank. He can't think of anything, and literally the only reason  _why_  he can't go is because of that. He'd love to go and see Brian's child, the beautiful little bundle of joy with small stubby hands and pudgy little limbs that makes him oh so proud, and he'd love to go and see Michelle, chat and catch up with her as he realises it's been just over a year since he's properly spoken to her, and just under one since he's hung out with Brian, but seeing them all happy together, under one roof with a diamond the size of a small country on Michelle's finger, with Hunter nuzzled into the crook of Brian's inked elbow and Michelle's hand resting on his knee while she leans on him and gazes fondly at the two most important people in her life. He wouldn't be able to handle it.

  
Brian senses Zacky's change in mood and shifts his weight from foot to foot, "Then... can we go for coffee? Once we're done, of course. I need to get diapers and shit, but a little bit later?"

  
Zacky grins, "You know you're not supposed to buy diapers that already have shit in them, right?" 

  
Brian laughs, "Dammit, Zack! Coffee?"

  
Zacky smiles, "Sounds delightful,"

  
"Where?"

  
"I'm still in the same place if you, y'know... wanna pop 'round. I'm nearly done here so y'know..."

  
Brian smiles wide and picks up his basket, "You best get a move on then, huh?"

  
So they depart, and Zacky just wants to be swallowed into the ground and never seen again. Coffee with Brian was never one of their better times, it started with a coffee and ended with one. The morning Zacky made him one to help ease the slight hangover pushing on his head, and to wake him up, and the trip to Starbucks to be told they had to call, whatever they were, off. But even when he's putting a spoonful of grounds into the bottom of the mugs with two sugars and a sprinkle of cinnamon to give it that extra, warm kick that Brian loves, he can't help but be thankful that they weren't made to go out to a coffee shop. The doorbell rings as he's pouring the kettlewater into these two mugs, sending Ichabod crazy, as he runs in circles and makes as much noise as possible. Zacky calls to the door as he puts the kettle back down, turning to watch as Brian lets himself in and Ichabod reels to the doorway and paws at Brian's thighs. The visitor is carefully pushing the dog down, cooing at him as he makes a fuss. When Zacky's finished pouring the milk into the mugs, he looks back over, watching as Icky presses his nose to the leg of Brian's jeans, huffing against it, smelling the familiar dog on the fabric.

  
"Kitchen or lounge?" Zacky calls through, giving a final stir to both beverages, before placing the spoon on the side. They end up in the lounge, and Brian's grinning as he takes the mug from Zacky.

  
"I can smell it, you remembered about the cinnamon?" he asks, a warm fondness creeping into his voice. He sips carefully at the coffee, regretting it almost immediately as the liquid burns his mouth. He puts the mug down on the coffee table and sits back into the chair.

  
"Yeah... It's hard to forget after eight years," Zacky says quietly, wrapping his hands around the mug and slumping into the corner of the sofa, laying his leg on the seat and making a triangle shape.

  
Brian bites his lip and carefully places a hand on Zacky's knee, "I'm really sorry- I just... I realised what I said earlier was a little-"

  
"Don't, Brian. It's okay, I was-," Zacky decides on a subject change as he notices Ichabod is still taking a great deal of interest in Brian's jeans, "Pinkly. Do you, uh, do you still have Pinkly?"

  
Brian squints and removes his hand from Zacky's knee, letting it fold in his lap as he goes along with the small talk, eventually blossoming into a full conversation. They make it through three cups of coffee and a cigarette each. Brian pulls out a photo of Hunter, mentioning he thought he'd bring one instead of him being made to meet her. Zacky takes the photo and coos over it immediately, before studying it intensely. 

  
"She looks so much like you," Zacky breathes, noting that she's got his ski slope nose, bright eyes and dark hair.

  
"She's gorgeous, isn't she?" Brian says, a smile floating through his voice, "I reckon she'll grow out of it a little, though. End up looking like 'Chelle by the time she's four."

  
Zacky hands back the photo, "I'm glad you're happy, Bri. I really am."

  
Brian chews his lip, "Thanks. Are you happy, though?"

  
Zacky reaches and sips at his fourth coffee. He has to think about this answer for longer than he'd like, "I... No. No I'm not. But that's okay, right? Because I'm not so unhappy that I'd rather be dead, but I'm not exactly ecstatic either. I'm just... I'm surviving. I've got my dog, my guitars and the occasional club lay. I've got enough."

  
Brian breathes deeply for a moment, and thinks about what has just been said. It's evident that he doesn't know what to say, and just as Zacky goes to open his mouth to change the subject once again, Brian blurts out that he's sorry.

  
"You're sorry? For what?"

  
"I'm just... I'm sorry. I feel like it's my fault, 'cause I just kinda upped and went, y'know? I never told you what we were, and it's 'cause I didn't know what what we were. I just-... I didn't know if you were  _mine_ , or just-..." Brian trails, and heaves another deep breathe.

  
"Or just 'a friend'. I get it. It's-... Yeah. It's fine," Zacky raps his fingers on the side of the mug and takes another sip.

  
"But it's not, is it? I just  _left_."

  
It's Zacky's turn to sigh, "But you left me for someone who makes you complete. I couldn't do that. She makes you  _happy_  Brian. That's all that matters."

  
"Bullshit."

  
"Excuse?"

  
"That's bullshit, Zacky. You've been my best friend for longer than we were even a 'thing', I know you're talking out your ass with this. I believe that you're happy for me, it's genuine, but it's not all that matters, is it? Not at all." Brian picks up his own mug and takes a sip, his eyes never leaving Zacky's face as he does so.

  
It takes a while for a response, but when it does come, Zacky's voice cracks and there's a lump in his throat tearing at his words, "I loved you,"

  
Brian instantly puts his coffee down, and after prying Zacky's from his stubborn fingers and putting that also onto the table, pulls him into a hug. He holds the back of his head and rubs his back softly, whilst Zacky's arms are squeezing around his middle. Zacky's eyes are pressing into Brian's shoulder, making patterns behind his lids whilst he cries softly. He knew this was a bad idea. Coffee with Brian is  _never_  a good thing. 

  
Brian's fingers are rustling through the soft hairs at the back of Zacky's head as he soothes him, rocking him gently sideways, "I am so sorry," is all he can manage, unable to find the words to make the situation better. He just holds him until Zacky stops, when it's died down to small sniffles and needy squeezes, in which Brian returns. Zacky pulls away a little, but keeps himself close to Brian. After all that's happened, he still finds comfort of the tanned male, the smell of his clothes and skin, although hinted with Michelle's perfume, is still familiar and warm, and the feel of his fingers in his hair still make his heart beat a thousand times a minute, yet at the same time relax him to his core. He doesn't want Brian to leave the sofa, not again. 

  
"I'm sorry I never told you," Zacky whispers, his voice raw and broken.

  
"I'm sorry I never loved you back," Brian replies, his voice breaking half way through the sentence. He swallows hard to get rid of it, "I didn't mean to-"

  
"Don't. It's okay. I'll keep on surviving. It's not like you're gonna leave you're child and future wife for a eight year friend with benefits, is it?" Zacky sniffles.

  
"Zack-" Brian whines, but he's cut off before he can continue.

  
"No. It's okay. I know what it is. You know what it is. Just... Just be good to them. Be good and be happy, have you're fairy tale ending. It's _okay._ "

  
"Goddammit, Zacky, it's not. It's really, really not. I didn't expect this to happen, at all. I thought you'd have a boyfriend or a civil partner and be happy. But you're not. You said it yourself, you're not. And I'm sorry, 'cause it's my fault, isn't it?"

  
Zacky swallows hard and closes his eyes, "It just hurts. It hurts to see you with someone else. I'm happy you're happy, 'cause s'all I want. But I just... I just want you to be happy with  _me_."

  
Brian pushes Zacky's hair back and presses a quick kiss to his forehead, before pulling him in for a hug. Zacky clings onto him again, burying his face into the crook of Brian's neck and just enjoying the hug, even if it's meant nothing more than comfort. The same way the kiss did, nothing but a platonic gesture of comfort and solice. Zacky pulls back again after a while, but this time, shuffling away from the older.

  
"We're done with this, Brian. I'm sorry, I just-... I didn't mean to, y'know. Maybe you should just finish your coffee and go?"

  
Brian does as he's told, putting down the mug and standing, being followed out by both Zacky and Ichabod. He feels extremely bad, even worse when he realises that he never had that sort of feeling for Zacky, and still doesn't now. That heart and soul just don't belong with him. He stops in the doorway and turns to face the once bright green eyes of his friend. It's now Brian's turn to realise that Zacky's eyes have also changed. While his have gotten brighter, and more full of life, all the energy and happiness has been sapped out of Zacky's.

  
"I'm still sorry. And if there's anything that I can do, Zee, I swear-"

  
"Just-... Drop an invite to the wedding. Please. I'd love to be there, really. I could, uh... I could come meet everybody, that way,"

  
Brian chews his lip and gives Zacky another strong hug, nodding and agreeing to pop one in his letterbox when the time rolls around. He pulls away and waves, and Zacky slowly closes the door before numbly making his way to the sofa and sipping at his coffee. It feel like he's been left again. He listens for the sound of Brian's engine, but it's quiet out, and he heads upstairs to peer out of one of the bedroom windows to see what'd going on, to make it less obvious. Brian's sat in the drivers seat of the car. Just sat there, a solemn expression on his face and glassy eyes. He rests his hands on the top of the steering wheel and he takes a big, shaky breath, before wiping his eyes, buckling up, starting the engine and pulling out of the driveway.

  
Zacky makes his way back down the staircase, and sits back on the sofa. He finishes the coffee, putting it back down before he lies on the three-seater, letting the tears slowly escape his eyes. Ichabod jumps up onto the sofa and settles himself next to Zacky, as he realises what he's just done.

  
He's let him go again.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Still Into You - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjZsuCKI-Uw
> 
> Characters belong to themselves, all a work of fiction.


End file.
